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Opening: Sylvia Spruck Wrigley Continuation: Sarah from Hawthorne. Posted by Evil Editor at AM 17 comments:.

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You wouldn't want to meet one in real life, but serial killers turn up in fake plots every so often. Real plots too: Five of the following plots turned out to be the actual plots of minions' novels. Which ones? But can they also create the profilers to stop them? Game on.

A decade after the death of his wife in a tragic sculling incident, border patrolman Clint Fujimaki still believes she was murdered. The serial killer known as "The Drowner" hasn't sunk a victim in years, but when illegals begin bobbing up in the Rio Grande, Fujimaki has a sinking feeling that his wife's murderer has returned.

It sucks being named Jane Doe. It doesn't help that she's quiet as a church mouse at the morgue, where she works. It also doesn't help that she dresses like a homeless woman, especially when a serial killer starts murdering homeless women around the city. Police think she's the next Jane Doe to die.

Can Jane develop some fashion sense before it's too late? When the Herald goes out of business, it has a bigger effect on Sunnydale than just a couple hundred lost jobs, especially when a serial killer begins stalking the residents, and no one can get up-to-date news or check the obituaries to see who the most recent victim was.

Who is killing the homeless?

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I'm Addy. I run the shelter, and I've fallen for one of the homeless guys, but that's the least of my problems.

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The cops think I'm the obsessed serial killer behind all the grisly murders committed lately, here on. Harper Street. When Jasmine has a psychic vision of her rival Marissa dying at the hands of a serial killer, she's tempted to say nothing, but eventually she tells hunky police detective Eric.

Now Jasmine's having visions that indicate she should have kept her mouth shut.

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Has she become the killer's next target? A series of bizarre deaths--someone drowns in a pile of barley, someone has a fatal encounter with a dishwasher, etc. When the letters U and I turn up missing from alphabet soup cans at crime scenes, homicide detective Zack Martinez knows two things: he's on the trail of a kleptomaniac serial killer who was traumatized by a childhood word guessing game; and he'd better remember to pick up his wife's Andy Warhol comforter from Hang's Dry Cleaning.

Burned out after twenty years of white collar work, a yuppie quits his job and moves to a farm in Wales, where he finds peace and takes up a new hobby: torturing and slaughtering people in his. Chicken Shed. Convicted of sixteen murders by the age of thirteen, the world's youngest serial killer, waits on death row. And if you think Mendelve's daughter Sarah was bad, wait'll I tell you about Mendelve. When Liz starts getting daily love letters from a complete stranger, she's flattered. Matchmaker Penelope Thurgood never meant to hurt anyone - it wasn't her fault that she set people up with serial killers.

But now they're all dead and Penelope is scared to set anyone else up. Will she find him before he finds her? The sign on the door on the right says "ordino. Can they solve the clues and find him Sentenced to dig trenches from dusk till dawn, serial killer Joe Ogilvie figures he's gotten off easy--until he learns his sentence will be served at the south pole, where one night lasts six months. The other kids teased Omnipuplotto Smirnichovich every day of first grade and he cried so much it ruined his entire life. For second grade, his parents shorten his name to Omn Smir, but the damage is done.

He goes on to become The Sobbing Serial Killer. He wanted to be America's newest serial killer, but he needed an angle. It came to him one night in Santa Monica. Answers below Click the label at the bottom of the post to take the previous serial killer GTP quiz. Actual Plots: 5, 6, 8, 10, Tuesday, December 22, Face-Lift Guess the Plot How to Kiss a Ghost 1. Step 1: Tilt your head to keep the scruff from tickling your chin. Step 2: No tongue unless you want to get kicked. Step 3: Lots and lots of breath mints.

Oh, I thought you said "Goat". First you have to die, no faking.

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Next you have to make sure you're on the same wavelength as your non-corporeal other. Ignore all the spectators. Are you sure you wouldn't rather just go for someone normal? Find a really, really hot guy, and accidentally run over him. Then get a Ouija board and pucker up.

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Elsie falls in love with a guy who exists in her mirror. Is he a ghost?

Was he trapped there by a witch's spell? Would it look weird if someone saw her kissing the mirror? Hilarity ensues when spoil-sport Tammy Hillburg attends undercover as a 'widow' to make a documentary film exposing the fakery. Being dead has its advantages for Greg, but sex with your lover isn't one--especially when she's still alive.

So to help others overcome this obstacle, Greg and Sally sit down together to write their first self-help book. When Claire Wincefield's husband died in a freak yachting accident on their honeymoon, her friends told her to put it behind her. But Claire is made of sterner stuff; now, with the help of unconventional psychic Cassiopeia Milestone, she's planning to put the romance back into necromancy.

Film star Ellen Lauder must appear to carry on an entire 'romance' with her CGI co-star, who will be supplied in post-production. Meanwhile no one is there. She finds this impossible until the ghost of Sidney Jackson appears. And then she gets fired for being 'too X-rated' -- but now the ghost won't leave! How long's he been dead?

All she knows is her sister is dead and she should be dead too. Especially if it is a window. Is she a ghost? Because if I had a friend who existed in a mirror, I would feel pretty weird if the friendship started heating up. You definitely don't want anyone to see you making out with a mirror. Ah, the other woman. Are good men so hard to find these days that women will fight over a guy who exists only in a mirror?

Not only does she discover Mimi's dad caused the wreck, but she also finds out Aiden may be alive. His car was the last one to hit her; killing her sister. In order to find him she must first face off with a deranged Mimi — who doesn't care who hit who, or that her dad was a drunk, fact is, Elsie caused him not to come home — if she fails, Elsie will lose more than Aiden, she could potentially lose her life.

Sincerely, Notes So Mimi's dad plows into Elsie's stopped car, knocking it into the path of Aiden's car. I'm thinking most of the force of the first accident would be absorbed by the cars, so that Elsie's car would not be moving very fast or very far into the intersection, and Aiden would have had time to swerve and brake.

Aiden had his eyes closed because he was in the middle of an allergy-related sneeze.

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Note how with a little applied logic I was able to explain the seemingly inexplicable. It doesn't seem that someone who was about to commit suicide over the loss of her sister would so quickly get involved in a hot and heavy romance with a guy in her mirror. How many of these cars had airbags? It's not easy to buy Mimi blaming Elsie. No one's named their kid Elsie since it became the name of a famous cow half a century ago.

Change it to Elise. Posted by Evil Editor at AM 5 comments:. Monday, December 21, Survey Results. Which of the following blog features would you miss if it were no longer here? Keep it Dump it Forgot to include in survey. For those who didn't know there was misc. Caption: Evil Editor Your caption on the next cartoon! Posted by Evil Editor at AM 4 comments:.